How would you feel if every single day you woke up in pain, went through the day in pain and went to sleep in pain?
How would you feel if your back felt like someone had been continuously kicking it everyday?
How would you feel if it felt like your legs constantly were about to buckle from underneath you?
You’d want to stay in bed right? Now imagine that but you can’t stay in bed. Why? Because you’re a mum. Motherhood takes over all illness and pain and as much as you’d like to just rest, that’s not an option. Instead it’s a constant battle of suppressing the pain you are feeling with functioning like a normal human being, a normal mum, giving the best for your kids.
I am struggling every single day but I don’t want this to be my life so I carry on. I take the boys out, I go to groups, I do everything I can for them.
All the time ignoring the agony I am feeling. People often ask if I want a hand, if I need help but my brain isn’t disabled and doesn’t like accepting help. I want to be normal. I still can’t accept that I can’t do things like normal people. This weekend I have done 2 activities… I am now paying for it. It shouldn’t be like this but it is. Because I often don’t use my braces or stick or crutches I often appear to be completely normal, no one realising the battle of pain my body is going through just by being out.
It hurts to get up and down.
It hurts to kneel.
It hurts to run.
Yet if I don’t do these things I feel judged.
Oh she’s lazy, oh she’s just too fat, oh she just can’t be bothered; just a few thoughts that run through my head.