Guest Blogs, Life of a Mum, Other fabulous ladies

Cross Your Legs When You Sneeze? There is a Solution (guest blog)

Hello, my name is Julie, and I am the founder and campaigner behind the Multi Award Nominated and Commendation Awarded Secret Whispers Brand. I am mummy to two gorgeous sons and wife to a very patient husband. 

Approaching the big 40 and after 2 pregnancies I was starting to think more seriously about my pelvic floor muscles. I knew that with falling oestrogen levels, my pelvic floor strengthcould start to become an issue. I was not going to let that happen. Kegel exercises are not a new concept to me. I have been doing my exercises for years. But it did shock me just how few products were on the market for women to help them improve their pelvic floors and how there is such a big taboo about the subject. Many of the mums I spoke with told me that they wore pads, no longer took part in sports and that leakage was normal after childbirth. I decided there and then that I had to do something. Most women saw Kegel exercise’s as a ‘rescue’ option when things go wrong, rather than a preventative measure. 

I was astounded that most women had no idea they could do something about this before it became an issue. 

I then decided to design my own Kegel Weight Kit. It is a 6 Step progressive weight programme to safely and gradually strengthen your pelvic floor. They are made with medically graded 100% body safe silicone. It’s like a weighted tampon for your pelvic floor.

Too many women around the world are suffering in silence, crossing their legs when they laugh or sneeze. It’s time to give women back control. I am now on a mission to stop women having to prematurely resort to pads to stop leakage – let’s takedown Tena Lady!

Now ladies, all you need to do is just be committed and take ACTION! Just get started!!

Weight Lifting (…for your vagina)

Let’s talk about something embarrassing shall we? Does a little wee escape when you laugh, sneeze, cough, jump, or run? Is this now your new ‘normal’? 

Did You Know That 50% of women suffer with pelvic floor issues?

Unfortunately this figure could be much higher because women are too embarrassed to even speak to their doctor about it, let alone family or friends. Due to the associated taboo many women are suffering in silence.  The physical, psychological and social wellbeing impact for women and their families who suffer with weak pelvic floor conditions is heart-breaking and could be avoided. This is an issue that spans generations. This has to change.

Did You Know That It Is NOT Normal To Leak After Childbirth?

I was horrified to learn that women are led to believe it is ‘normal’ to cross their legs when they laugh or sneeze. That urine incontinence after childbirth is almost expected, thanks to the large advertising budgets of companies selling these pads. Secret Whispers exists to present a very different reality and give a very different message.

What Are Kegel Exercises?

Kegel exercises consist of repeatedly contracting and relaxing the muscles that form part of the pelvic floor. They are essential because your pelvic floor is a muscle like any other and it needs to be exercised. Think of your pelvic floor as your Lady Hammock. It has a very important job to do. It consists of muscles and ligaments holding up your bowel, uterus and bladder. The muscles that surround these organs can no longer fully support these organs when weakened, resulting in the lack of control you have over passing urine, wind or faeces. In severe cases, called a prolapse, there is a dropping down of the internal organs into the vagina. Don’t use it and you may well lose it! So prevention is better than cure ladies!

“I have tried doing pelvic floor exercises and they didn’t work” 

Most women do not know where their pelvic floor muscles are and how to engage them correctly. When you use Secret Whispers ™ Kegel weights your pelvic muscles are contracted, which in turn lifts the internal organs and the muscles also tighten the openings of your vagina, anus and urethra. Thus, improving your pelvic muscle tone and reducing the need for future corrective surgery! They correctly engage the correct pelvic floor muscles to contract, taking away the guess work.

When Can I Fit Kegel Exercises Into My Already Busy Life?
There really are so many ways for your Kegels to fit easily into your lifestyle that there are NO excuses. Incorporate your Kegel exercises with an activity you do most days. 

 Showering, gym work out, exercise class, walking, school run, yoga, housework, swimming, walking the dog, 

 or even cleaning the oven (honestly:-).

 You just need to be active for them to be effective


“I’ve given birth and the damage is already done”

Doing Kegel exercises before childbirth helps in the recovery of the pelvic floor and reduces the likelihood of bladder incontinence after birth. However, if you start suffering from a loss of bladder control after childbirth, you can still improve the strength of your pelvic floor by doing Kegel exercises. If in doubt please always speak to a pelvic floor physiotherapist.

Will Kegel exercises improve my sex life? 

If you have noticed that it is more difficult to reach orgasm or that your other half has noticed it is more difficult to climax; your pelvic floor may have weakened. An orgasm happens when the muscles in your vagina, anus, and uterus involuntarily contract and then relax. This is the amazing feeling of “release.” Orgasms are bigger and stronger with a strong pelvic floor.

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Life of a Mum

10 year challenge- my version

f6f725b3-1ddb-4c26-98f4-192a824804efThis was me in 2009. 27, married, great job, homeowner – but happy????? ( weirdly the two fringes in my life are ten years apart too!)

Well I certainly look it in all my pictures from that time; but I was a very good actress I think.

I don’t know whether it was immaturity, or thinking I couldn’t do any better or that was just what married life was like. I married quick and young– engaged after 12 weeks and married at 23 after 18 months today. It feel ridiculous to write this down and admit it; but on my wedding day I knew I was doing the wrong thing. Weirdly en route to the church my Dad questioned whether it was what I really wanted and offered to fly me away! Looking back, I’m not sure what made me go ahead.

It’s difficult to put into words what was wrong; but the simple fact it I knew something was very wrong for the majority of that relationship. Being with someone that puts you down frequently is soul destroying, and makes you lose self confidence day by day. Being told I was fat- I wasn’t, insinuations that I wasn’t a ‘good wife’ if I didn’t do exactly as he wanted or agree with his opinions- but I always tried to be kind and honest.

Madness looking back! I always wanted a family- and he told me he did too; but ‘just not yet’ was used for years. Until he wanted something- a bigger car; ‘oh we can get this car and then start a family’ , a ‘lads holiday’ always because- well it could be the last before we had a family!!! Well there were lots of lads holidays, and lots of cars, but I can’t really remember fulfilling many of my wants during those years.

I’m not sure why I put up with that sort of ‘relationship’ for so many years (nearly 7) – why I put up with the flirty behaviour, the lies, the verbal abuse, the criticism and the isolation.

What I do know is when the relationship ended- the feeling I had was surprising! It was a feeling of relief, I instantly felt like me again, happier and more free. I struggled in the months following the break up; felt like a failure, after all the way I was brought up you were married for life. I questioned my decision, I often felt alone, I felt depressed. I developed a (possibly unhealthy) gym habit, strangely mixed with drinking a little too much – and I needed antidepressants for a while. I really felt they helped- and would never regret taking them, or feel ashamed to admit that.

I learnt a lot about myself in those two ‘single years’ – I became confident and ambitious, I stuck up for myself more, and decided I wouldn’t stand for any crap!

I started internet dating; decided on a ridiculously rigid set of credentials that I was looking for in a man. My friends found it amusing that I set these silly standards, and thought I should be more relaxed. But it worked- one dull nightshift was brightened by a message from my, now husband!!!

So for the 10 year challenge! A lot has changed in 10 years for me– I’ve certainly grown up, been through a load of ups and downs. A marriage breakup- moved house and jobs several times, dealt with a diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis, been through the struggle of infertility.

On the positive side I’ve met my husband, had a baby girl and found a completely different, new and happy life for me, for us, our family.

Don’t get me wrong; life is not a fairytale, we have our ups and downs, parenting is challenging, Work is stressful and every successful relationship takes a lot of hard work. If you follow me on insta, you’ll know I have a no bullshit approach to life, and how I share it on social media.

I’m far from perfect; I’m still often screwy from my previous experiences, sometimes build my walls up, get defensive and cold to protect myself. Often I need to give myself a bloody good talking too….. often my other half gives me a bloody good talking to also!

So my ten year challenge; this is me.

Certainly more wrinkles, I’ve also recently found my first grey hairs, my body isn’t as tight and toned as it was, I look my age- but frankly I don’t really care about any of that. Looks are not what really matters…..

I am a Mum- what I count as one of my greatest achievements; especially after going through fertility treatment. I am truly happy, content and honest in my relationship.

My lovely husband can be a total pain in the ass; is impatient, unsociable and gets terribly ‘hangry’ – but the good bits make the bad bits worth it. I still get ‘that look’, get told I’m sexy when my undies aren’t matching and I haven’t shaved my legs for weeks (and I believe him), get told I’m a fab mum and I truly feel loved.

I’m especially grateful that like me, his wish was to have a family, and a simple family life- something that was dangled in front of me like a metaphorical carrot for so many years.

So not much of a ‘challenge’ for me……. much happier with the 2019 me; bring on the next ten years!