IVF, Life of a Mum

January-its all pregnancy and birth announcements! Happy New Year infertiles

So I am a Mum, and that’s wonderful; I’m so thankful to IVF and that I now have a family I thought I’d never have. But that doesn’t mean my ovaries don’t pang and I don’t get insanely jealous when I see these announcement’s. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not so bitter that I don’t feel joy and happiness for these other ladies, but I’m just green with envy.


I would love to be realistically trying to conceive,  I day dream about feeling those lovely bump kicks, and it’s my dream to be giving another birth announcement. BUT having IVF standing in the way of us and our ‘frozen in time’ future children is so bloody frustrating; feeling mentally/emotionally stable enough to take the step through it all again is enough of a challenge, but then realising we don’t have the £3k necessary to sign on the dotted line, well it seems to make it an impossible stepping stone.


‘There’s never a good time to try’ and ‘ no one can afford a baby, you just have to go for it’ – is all well and good, when the going for it is the simple pleasure of having sex! The reality for us infertiles is stumping up thousands of pounds for just a chance, and sometimes not even a great chance: it’s a numbers game- will the meds work, will my lining be the right thickness, will the embryos defrost okay etc. etc…… and sometimes taking that step is mentally a massive step.


It must be awful for those trying to conceive naturally month after month never seeing the pink (or blue) lines, and I genuinely mean that- but even taking one chance for us means ‘life on hold’ tests, journeys, stress, emotions, hormones, poking and prodding, scans and tests, breath holding phone calls and the dreaded waits!!!


My biggest fear (isn’t forever being skint and in debt) but how I’d cope with a fail. Yes we have 5 wonderful little embryos raring to go, and I often wonder if they’ll be as cute and full of sass as their big sister, but I’m not sure I could cope with a fail; it was the worst feeling- and I don’t wanna do that again.


So many women amazingly go through round after round of IVF, fail after fail, and they’re remarkable, because I know I could never do it. I know that (after lengthy discussions with my husband) I’d never go through with another fresh cycle, that I wouldn’t emotionally and physically put myself through it again.


I sincerely hope that, at some point soon; we’ll be ready to take that step- hopefully later this year (and certainly before I hit the big 4-0) I’m sure a money tree will magically grow in our garden, that Dorothea with suddenly start sleeping amazingly, and that we will develop the mental strength and drive needed for IVF. And lets face it, time is ticking; and my stiff joints regularly remind me of my approaching ‘old age’.


So new mums and newly preggos; please don’t hate me for getting annoyed with your happy announcement’s- I’m just bloody jealous, and that sucks!



Positive pants, pineapples and the colour orange

IVF is stressful, time consuming and expensive. I thought I’d create a blog about what your friends going through IVF might need.

Just be a friend; we need a kind listening ear, some sympathy and someone willing to put up with our erratic moods. And when I say ‘we’ I mean the boys too (or the partner not taking the drugs) – it’s a really stressful time for both parties; and they’ll be regular ‘headfuck’ moments, hormonal outbursts, negativity and tears!

Do a little research; be a great friend by finding out a little more. Are they having IVF or ICSI – find out what these mean. Ask her about her drug schedule. Research IVF apps and support groups. Find out about her clinic and latest IVF news.

Be present; does she need a friend to attend appointments with? Help with her injections? A weekly pizza night? Don’t avoid her- that’s literally the worst thing- when someone knows you’re going through a shitty time and they disappear! Being avoided sucks, reduced phone calls, awkward silences- just talk, be there, be interested.

Things not to say!!!!

You just need to relax/have lots of sex/go on holiday!

People don’t turn to IVF if they have not tried everything else; prior to this decision they’ve probably been peeing on sticks and taking temperatures daily, having sex constantly in all manner of positions and taking weird concoctions and supplements.

Some reasons for infertility mean you physically cannot get pregnant the ‘normal’ way- if the man has abnormal semen analysis, or the women has blocked or removed tubes, then it simply cannot happen the ‘normal’ way. Implying a holiday may regrow their Fallopian tubes is just ridiculous ignorance.

Get a dog/adopt/sponsor a child

…er no Susan!!! Let’s face it one of the reasons we are on this earth is to procreate, many of us are naturally maternal and all we’ve ever wanted is a family.

We know there are other options of ‘parenthood’ or family- but we’ve chosen to try IVF, please respect that choice.

Social media- moaning about your kids/announcing a pregnancy/ doing an April fools joke positive pregnancy test or scan.

Oh my Facebook and insta can suck when you’re trying to conceive or are going through IVF! Pregnancy announcements, scan pics and bump updates seem to be everywhere. I can cope with these and be happy for others but…….. pregnancy test jokes!!!! just no

‘Great! You’re pregnant! Now you can relax’

If only. You are so used to feeling incapable of being pregnant you’re paranoid something awful is going to happen. Each cramp, spot of blood or disappearing symptom gives you a feeling of doom. I really never felt confident

Gift list.

A journal/diary, such as

Ivf diary

Ivf journal

2ww cards

Two week wait positivity cards

Lucky socks These are pretty awesome

Anything Pineapple themed; including pineapple! It’s believed the bromeline in pineapple (Especially the core!) can help blood flow to the uterus.

Anything Unicorn themed Unicorn stickers I used these in my IVF journal

Book of positivity Positivity quotes

Fertility bracelet Lulus gifts has loads of fab ones

Chocolate; hormones means chocolate is always appreciated!!

Water bottle

Nuts; Brazil nuts contain selenium which is supposed to be great for the endometrial lining. Chuck a small bag in her IVF hamper.

Alternative therapies- I had acupuncture and others I know had reiki; anything relaxing can only help.