There. I said it. It’s a tricky thing, so why does nobody talk about it? And, most importantly, what can we do to make it better?
Most of us struggle in one way or another with sex after we have kids, so why is it seemingly taboo to talk about?
So. Here you are. You’ve had a baby or two. You love your partner, and you’ve made a great life together. In the throes of parenthood, you’re tired, you’re busy, you’re caring for littles, and the last thing on your mind is sex. It’s easy to get lost in the day to day of life.
A relationship changes after a baby. All of a sudden we are all consumed with someone else’s needs. They do come first, we bathe them, feed them, dress them, cuddle them, wipe them…..after a day like that, we are literally all touched out.
Throw hormones into the mix, and a lot of women simply don’t mind if they have sex or not. Some feel they could go forever without it again. I felt this way too. After I stopped breastfeeding my second little, my hormones crashed, and i could never see myself being intimate again. It wasn’t “normal” but maybe it is?
In order to build a healthy relationship, physical intimacy has to be part of it. It is most important to keep the connection with your other half. It gives you your identity back, and not that of a mom.
Yes, you are a mom, but you are also You!
So what can we do?
How can we be intimate in this period of babies and childhood, in this season of life?
Here’s some ideas to help.
1. Schedule Sex– I know I know, this is soooo unromantic right? A couple of years ago I created the term “sexy Saturday” I didn’t tell my husband at first, as I didn’t want him thinking that I had to schedule it. But I did. I had to psyche myself up for it. That’s ok! 90% of sex for women is psychological. I soon told him what I was doing, and he laughed, but he is fully supportive (obviously!) Scheduling sex is better than no sex at all. (I’m talking to you, who hasn’t had sex in months)
2. Believe in yourself- wait what? So you have a few extra pounds since having kids, or maybe you have a c-section scar, perhaps you hate the way you look. I will say, your partner is not looking at the bad bits. I don’t know of any man who would turn down sex. Period. You project your problems with your body on him, but that’s just it, they’re your problems. You have history together, you’ve created life together, and he loves you. Turn the lights off if you have to, but don’t not do it because of the way you feel.
3. Set the mood for Sexy Saturday. There are a lot of essential oils that can help with everything from making you excited, to helping him last longer, to helping you achieve your goals (wink wink) Why not put some in your diffuser as a hint to him that you’re willing and ready.
Here’s just a few:
Sensation massage oil- which contains Ylang ylang, a
known aphrodisiac, was made specifically for intimacy. Why not use it for a massage to set the mood.
Cypress oil – This woodsy oil is for blood circulation. You can use it to spice up your evening!
Ylang Ylang – Increases libido in women, and men tend to respond to the sent on their women.
Sclaressence – A hormone supporting oil for women- healthy oestrogen levels can help with getting you in the mood.
Valor – This oil blend helps with confidence and courage! Who doesn’t need a little extra help in that department?
So, get your courage and your sex life back, if you need help with the oils, I’m your lady! Happy Valentines Day!
Valerie Fowler is a wife, a mom of two boys, and Young Living Essential Oils distributor. She helps people detox their homes, and create a better life using essential oils. For more info, or to buy oils:
FB: essentialoilsladyuk
Motherhood after IVF 